Accept the unexpected

So my first born started weaning and gave me all the trouble in the world in feeding him. He wouldn’t swallow whatever I’d put in his mouth. Whenever I saw a child eating his food and swallowing it too, I would stare at him in disbelief and yearn the same for my son, who was a bit more than a fussy eater.

I remember once someone told me about how the obesity rate in children is rising because of eating while watching television. I tried feeding my son in front of the screen so that he too, gains some weight. But no sir!

He always had his own plans. This always made me get upset. Some days I’d even get depressed. People around me would tell me how they had such healthy (read: obese) kids and how my son looked so weak (which he did not, he had an ideal weight according to the WHO chart). This societal bullying (as I would like to call it and if there is a term like this) would make me mad and I would try to force feed him, which by the way is also a kind of abuse. Guilty as charged!

And this is just one such instance, I’ve witnessed more. I’ve seen families where children are forced to choose particular fields as their profession whereas the child himself wants to pursue his career in sports. A sportsman father would want his son to become a sportsman like hime and would work as hard as possible to make him believe that, that is the only option he could choose.

Parenting begins with the attribute of acceptance 

What we forget is: children are as different an individual as you and I are. They can have their own choice with everything. Try finding that out and then try again if you fail the first time. Do not expect your assumptions about them to be fulfilled at all cost. Let them voice their opinions, they have a right to make choices.

These minor events in my life gave me an insight to a very major aspect; when we get coerced by the set standards (set by whom, we’ll never know), we mistreat our child and that not only complicates things for us but also for our children who are way too naive to understand the insane chase.

We need to understand that the society will always set unmatchable standards for a child at all stages in their life. But it should be you who needs to assure them that no one else except them matters, for what children seek the most is approval from their parents… yeah, that’s the truth.

Don’t let anyone or even your expectations push you into snap decisions regarding your children. Encourage your child to give their best. Trust them! Try giving them the liberty to think. Even if they lied to you on some occasion, tell them you trust them. Children are not inherently evil, when they see you put your belief in them, they will come to you and admit that they lied. And just when they do that, tell them you will always know when they’re making up stories, but that doesn’t take away the confidence you have in them. This is a very successful strategy for getting rid of habitual lying in children.

Accept their weaknesses, accept their strengths and then plan to work accordingly.

“A child is an angel with wings, it is the guardian who has the choice to either burn the wings or strengthen them for flying”. (Anonymous)

Do not burn the wings! So the next time when your little one gives you a hard time with feeding, try to discover what is it that she would like to eat instead of what you just fed her.

Building a better world; one kid at a time

When I became a mother for the first time, I was astounded by the kind of love that I had for my son, it was hard to believe that this kind of love existed. I would get upset when he wasn’t happy or comfortable, I cried with him when he got hurt. I became vigilant when he took his first steps; to save him whenever he stumbled, so that he doesn’t fall.
But when the baby steps changed into perpetually toddling steady steps, I failed to realise that the mindful planning to protect him, needs a refresh click.
Yes it’s true, when our children grow up our strategies as parents should also grow with them, we need to broaden our perspective and stop overprotecting them like we did when they started walking. Children do not always want or need to be protected. Sometimes it is okay to let them face the difficult situations. Specially when introducing them to the outer world, for instance, if a child picks up an object belonging to someone else, and ends up breaking it, the parents apologise, try to clear the air on behalf of their child. What ideally should happen is that you see the object broken and tell your child that you’ve made a mistake, you should be sorry and make him/her apologise on his own. This has very deep effects.
(A) Your child learns to apologise and experiences guilt (guilt is very important)
(B) He/She learns to be cautious next time. Children have huge amounts of self respect they don’t forget embarrassment easily.
(C) They build a level of trust with you that you will help them to overcome their mistakes.
(D) They learn to admit their mistakes.
Similarly, if a child is physically weak, we prefer to not give him any physically challenging tasks, we are afraid that if he goofs up, he’ll be made fun of. Stop doing that, let him face the challenges and the consequences. They learn to rise stronger after falling down. Give them immense love and confidence for keeping at it, but not sympathies. Sympathies can sometimes be lethal.
In an opposite case, a physically and mentally strong child is always expected to do the best and be successful, we train them for achieving success only; and forget to teach them to face failure which is a reality of life; and a sudden encounter with failure for such children has odd results. When their egos, which have been fed with a ‘I’ll-never-fail’ attitude, shatters, it creates a havoc inside them, they lose their confidence and don’t know how to get up and start again.
As parents it is our prime responsibility to raise humble human beings first and for doing that, we first need to tell them the importance of facing failure and secondly the importance of handling success decently.
The world can survive without arrogance but it wouldn’t probably survive without nobility and kindness, let’s play our part to make this world a better place with better human beings to live with and make life easier.

 

First blog post

Thinking differently 

I have always seen people, asking women who are newly wed or have been married for a while, about when the baby is coming or when they’re going to start a family? Well, to all those people I would like to tell that your questions aren’t of any help but you might just stab someone right on their chests with your questions.

So, to all my friends out there, those who are trying hard to make a baby, those who have tried and lost their babies, those who get shattered every time they see a negative result on the pregnancy test strip and also those who are done with the societal questions about starting a family and what not.

Have you ever had that point in your life where you were finally able to figure out that “Aah, so that was destiny’s plan for me, that is why I wasn’t given that particular so and so that I wanted so bad!

Fortunately, I have witnessed quite a few of such instances and I would like to share one with you. So the reason I want you all to know this story is because I want it to be seen as differently as I see it now, it is about a close acquaintance.

So this couple was desperate to have kids, tried all kinds of treatments but nothing worked, eight years of marriage went by and one day, they got the news, they were expecting a baby! Around all the happiness nine months passed and finally the day was there, doctors preferred to opt for a c-section and the child was born, a boy. All the family was jubilant and emotional let alone the parents, everyone was thanking God for the priceless gift ever, which it was, truly.

Three months later the mother developed cysts all over her body and started staying unwell and incapable of looking after her dear child. Again there were trips to the doctors, many diagnostic procedures later they finally found out that she has a very aggressive kind of blood cancer, and it got active right from the time of delivery, six months she survived on painful treatments and lost her battle with the disease leaving behind her nine months old child.

Did she ever imagine that the day she was thanking The Lord was actually the day which marked the start of a malignant disease inside her? We often complain before God for the things we want and don’t get, what we don’t realise is we don’t know the unknown. It’s great to have children, motherhood is wonderful, I wish and pray everyone experiences it, but don’t feel dejected if you are unable to have children, don’t relentlessly pray for it, for He knows what’s best for you.

Now she is no more to play with her child and the child doesn’t know what it is like to have a mother, to me, it was a deal of total loss. As for how I see it now is that the existing life is way more precious than the non existent one.

To the husbands I would like to say enjoy being together, don’t  let her go astray with her desire for a child, value her more… more than your unborn child.

To the society I would like to make a request that value the people alive, don’t worry or fuss about the ones who still have not arrived in the world.

And lastly, to the women, you are non-exchangeable whether you have a child or not. Try not to forget the joy of being a woman. Life is wonderful as a mother, only if you have a life, please understand!